It's Getting Better

"Let me take you down cause I'm going to Strawberry Fielda. Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about. Strawberry Fields forever."

Today was better. I got some things done. My to-do list has dwindled considerably though all the household chores still need to be done.

Called Jack at Kaiser who directed me to someone else with his referral. So I fnally got my resume submitted to the one who can actually hire me. It takes Kaiser so long to do anything (like everyone else) that I could have a screenplay sold by that time.

Been listening to the TR tapes and trying to figure out and narrow down some stuff so I can just do it as Shelia recommeds via Nike. My question to her was "do what?" there's a ton of stuff to do. Which one do I do first?

I thought about the pure joy of writing I had when I was a college kid. My folks were paying my bills, I had no mortgage and wasn't particularly concerned about hawking my literary wares. I just wanted to get on a show of my liking and write even if no one paid me. Now everything is so wrapped up in the sale and bills. No wonder I can barely get any joy out of the craft anymore.

I have a little cash now, but that's not going to last more than 6 months I'm not trying to wait that long at all before I get some income coming in from somewhere. So when I sit down to write, I keep thinking about when or if I'm going to sell it and am I wasting time doing this stuff when I should looking in the want ads? That's when I contacted dude from Kaiser.

I used to have all this time to create art. I need to change my perspective, but I'm not sure how yet. Get some goals and put time periods on them. Figure out exactly what I want and why I want it. I used to want to be a staff writer on a tv show. Now I hate what's on tv and don't even own a working tv so being a staff writer would not be good for me anymore.

When I was younger, everything seemed so possible. The beating of life slumped my shoulders and told me to take it down a notch, which I have. Now the dreams have re-awakened (I'm not sure why) and are are fighting with my carefully cultivated sense of reason that says such reasoning will shield me from disappointment. How do I get back in the right frame of mind? I have so much mind work to do, it keeps me from any kind of action because I can't even think postively except for short spurts.

I've learned about the "Depart from me, I never knew you," thing that Jesus was talking about. Folk were casting out devils in Jesus' name then approached Him and Jesus gave them the hand. I was like, "How can this be? They are straight casting out DEVILS ok. How can you not know them?" My pastor brought it to light that when God set His prinicples, those principles work as sure as gravity. They are actually more sure than that seeing as God created gravity. So if Jesus says you can cast out devils in My name and someobdy believes it, the devils must go, regardless if the castor believes that Jesus is the resurrected living son of God. They simply believed that one part about casting out. So Jesus does not abide in them or them in Him. They don't obey his commandments. "Those who love Me, obey Me." So in the end, they don't know Jesus and He does't know them, in spite of any works they may have done in His name.

I found this to be very enlightening because recently a friend of mine finally got hip to tithing and the blessings have been flowing. Of course he believes that he is all up in God's will, yet he lives a perverse life daily all day every day and has been for several years. I wondered to God, "How can this be that tithing is working for him?" Now I understand. The principle will always work if the person cares to operate in it. It does not make him/her a child of God. What it does is deceive that person to the end of his/her life, bringing them to a very tragic ending when Jesus tells them to depart for He never knew them. The enemy is indeed clever. Duped into thinking you are blessed of God so that you never feel it necessary to repent of your ways and so end up in hell, 'blessings' and all.

Can I tell my friend this? No, for he revels in his deception and his heart is stone due to years of living a life against God. I do pray for him frequently, for surely though his conscience is seared, he knows the truth deep down, according to the conversation that he speaks. God let there be a renunciation of the perverse and a regeneration of his spirit. I love my friend dearly and I would not see him in eternal damnation for eternity is a mighty long time. Forever, in fact. We humans have a hard time really wrapping our mind around forever and eternal.

I am still mulling over and flipping through scripture to figure out if hell is eternal damnation or if the second judgment of the Lake of fire means that one perishes, as in "poof, you're gone?" As opposed to the eternal fire and burning forever...